This morning I had a session with a client. At the end of our hour he finally had the breakthrough I knew he needed to make. He realized that he actually WAS worthy of having the changes in his life that he wants to make.
It has been a fascinating couple of years for me. I’ve been transitioning from my work in technology, often managing and leading companies and large groups of people, to a different model, working one on one with people. I have begun doing more personal coaching, helping people (or an organization, by helping a select group of their people) move from where they are, to where they want to be. I have also taken on a small church pastorate in a couple of tiny little churches in Southwest Vermont.
Nowadays, then, most of my work is focused on listening and helping people overcome the barriers that hold them back from what they want out of life.
The impression of people who use coaches and such is that they are failures trying to move past their failure. Nothing could be further from the truth. The people I get to work with are almost always people you would look at and consider a success. They have good careers, good lives, and are often leaders in their own right – in business, in their churches, in their families and communities.
But… they want something more. They are stuck. Or their life feels out of balance. Or they feel like they have plateaued and want to move to the next level in their life. Or they want to make a major change in their life and work, and can’t find a path to what they want. My job is to help them find their way.
There’s no mystery in how to do this. But it does take skill and training to create the safe place to explore, ask good questions, and help people find the answers from within. It’s the most exciting work I have ever done.
A couple of years into it, and I have learned a few things. The most surprising is this: Most of the people who come to me, somewhere, deep inside, harbor a false belief that somehow they don’t deserve what they want, that everyone and everything else is more important than their own desires and needs.
That is not surprising to me. One of my definitions of success has to do with how we help others. I think a lot of us share that belief. It’s a wonderful thing.
Until we forget that what enables us to do for others is… our own value. Who and what we are. And if we want to do the most for people, or companies, we have to do the right things for ourselves. Because we deserve it. We are worthy.
I don’t know where this false belief comes from in most of my client. I am sure there are lots of reasons they feel this way. I know where mine came from. A good therapist helped me sort out the whys and hows and helped me understand it in excruciating detail. But I don’t have to know the details of how someone got to that place to know that if we did – it’s a roadblock to us getting the life we want.
Getting what we want takes change. And we are often afraid of how that change will affect others, always putting ourselves last. Until we are trapped by our belief, that everyone else is worthy of the life they want…. except us.
Oh, we don’t say that, but it is the way we behave . in the choices we make, in the choices we don’t make, in the dedication to our own growth and goals we exhibit by our actions. We don’t say it, but we live it. We internalize it.
Let me tell you this, when we recognize we do this, and we start to do the work to act as if we really are worthy, we really do have as much value as the others in our live and work, then we have made the single most important breakthrough towards creating the life we want.
And the good thing? It’s the simple truth.
You are worthy. Worthy of everything you want in life. Worthy of the kind of work you want to do. Worthy of the kind of relationship that nourishes you. Worthy of the creative life you desire. Worthy of whatever, and I do mean WHATEVER you want.
And it all starts by really believing you are worthy of it. That you will be a better person if you have it. That you will be better for the people in your life if you have it. That you are SO worthy, it’s worth the time and work you will spend getting there.
SO ask yourself? DO you believe? Really believe? Does the way you are living reflect that belief? If so, you are on your way. If not…. well that’s a breakthrough waiting to happen.
Be well, Trave Wisely,